Bedtime

Your parents will work hard to establish a regular and predictable time for bed. You must work just as hard to disrupt this. Just remember these time-tested axioms:

Find a Way to Delay!
Stall Above All!

Here are some important tips to help you. 

First things first -- You are not tired. You are never tired. It cannot be emphasized enough how not tired you are. Your parents may try to tell you that you are, so it is your responsibility to let them know: You. Are. Not. Tired. 

Not tired.

Having said that, you may occasionally experience feelings of fatigue, low energy and sleepiness accompanied by crying and irritability for no obvious reason. On these occasions, the most likely reason is because your parents slipped something into your food or drink. It is not because you are tired. 

There are also times when you may slip and utter the words, “I’m tired.” When this happens, you are basically on your way to jail. In other words, what you just said can and will be used against you. Honestly, there is little that can be done to recover. It is best to learn from the mistake, go to bed and live to fight another day.

Stall Above All

As bedtime approaches, a key thing to remember is that the first mention of “bedtime" is merely the opening gambit in a lengthy negotiation. In fact, this first mention should be ignored completely. 

When bedtime is mentioned a second time, acknowledge the request and (if necessary) state that you did not hear the first request. This acknowledgement is usually enough to sustain the negotiation process, so no further bed-related action should be taken. 

A third request to go to bed should be met with some token participation. Maybe put on some pajamas or brush your teeth, but do not do both. Remember, the goal is to delay. After all, you are not even tired! 

When a fourth bedtime announcement is declared, it is time to get to the serious stalling. Below we have provided you with a handy checklist that has proven to be effective. Some of these are to be used just prior to being sent to bed, while others are excellent reasons to escape from bed after your parents think they have won. 

You may mix up the order and frequency here or use different combinations. It is best to stick to 7-10 tactics per evening though. Parents will resist your first few attempts, but persistence combined with creativity and volume will keep them off balance and should result in extended play time. 

Bedtime Checklist: 

☐ Ask for 10 more minutes. 

☐ Beg for 5 more minutes. 

☐ Plead for 3 more minutes. 

☐ If watching TV, plead to watch until the next commercial. 

☐ Ask your parent to read to you. 

☐ Ask if you can read. 

☐ When reading, plead to finish just one more page. 

☐ You need some water. 

☐ “Misplace" your favorite stuffed animal or blanket.  

☐ “Forget” to do part of your homework (See: HOMEWORK). 

☐ You have to go to the bathroom.

☐ Ask to draw/color. If parents think you’re being creative, they will often cut you some slack.

☐ You are hungry. You will probably only be offered something like fruit, but it is worth it. 

☐ You still need to brush your teeth. This one works particularly well if you already brushed your teeth, but were able to use the “hunger” tactic above to eat something after brushing. 

☐ Demand to know why grownups get to stay up later. 

☐ Complain that your friends get to stay up later than you do. Be sure to point out how unfair this is. 

☐ You need to be tucked in. 

☐ You want to cuddle. 

☐ You are still thirsty. 

☐ Tell some story about your school day (See: AFTER SCHOOL). 

☐ You need to floss. This is an obvious stall tactic, but parental guilt will make it difficult to say “no” to this one. If unsupervised, actual flossing is optional. 

☐ You heard a weird noise. 

☐ Get creative! 

PRO TIP: Those with siblings can employ an advanced strategy at bedtime where you actually start getting along. The trick here is to do this while out of your parents sight, but within earshot. Laugh together. Talk in calm, friendly tones. It may feel weird at first, but this technique can have a sedative affect on parents and they will not want to disturb the “harmony” you have established. For those of you that are only children, your best bet is to just stay out of sight and do not engage.